What to do When Your Toddler Touches Their Genitals?

In toddlers, touching private parts is common and it happens due to curiosity and explorative tendencies (1a). Here is a part of the body that they had not noticed before, so they want to explore it further. Genital stimulation offers subtle pleasure similar to rubbing hands or toes against an object.

As parents, it is vital to understand that when toddlers touch their private parts, it is just a newfound experience for them that is both comforting and satisfying. There is no hidden intent to embarrass the parent or caregiver. As the process feels good, they engage with it more often irrespective of the situation they are in. Some of the major reasons for toddlers to touch themselves are as follows-

• Exploration of body parts
• Reacting to some kind of discomfort such as itching, pain, irritation
• Self-stimulating behavior as little ones are not aware of social norms
• Imitating someone else’s behavior inappropriately

Is it ok For Toddlers to Touch Their Genitals?

Exploring one’s body is part of growing up. You never had a problem when they were sticking the thumb into the mouth, or tried to pull their toes off their feet. Then why do you suddenly find it embarrassing when they touch what is for them “just another body part”? Because, an adult like you considers the act of touching genitals as something “dirty”, “sexual” and “bad”. The key here is to understand that when your toddler plays with their genitals they feel good about it. You cannot quite classify this as masturbation.

There is pleasure involved, yes. But this is just a “good feeling” they get and is not sexual in nature. They do not feel it is wrong or dirty to do it. They do not know what sex is and this is not something you should be concerned about. Start seeing it from the toddler’s view and you will immediately understand that the act is totally innocent and largely harmless.

They are exploring their body, and the concept of “private parts” does not make much sense to your little toddler.. Though it can be a very touchy and embarrassing experience for all adults involved, it is absolutely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. However, If your toddler does it in a social/public gathering and it happens quite frequently, then, some level of intervention is required.

How Common is Touching Genitals in Kids?

Finding your toddler touching their private parts can be both shocking and annoying for you. However, this behavior is a common developmental aspect and gets resolved all by itself as the toddler ages. Stimulation of the genitals is common and almost 90% boys and 60% girls engage in such behaviors (2). Research reports have also shown that gratification behavior is a common occurrence from 3 months to 3 years (3).

How to React When Your Toddler Touches Their Private Parts?

Like everything else, too much of this behavior is also a problem. Sometimes, sexual play or role play in toddlers may indicate exposure to sexually explicit material, and you may read about it here. Most often, sexually abused children show signs like distraction and withdrawal.

1. Do Not Scold

Your toddler does not think they are doing anything wrong. For them, it is just knowing parts of their body that remained unexplored during infancy. So avoid scolding and punishing them.

2. Do Not Call Genitals “Bad Parts”

It is very important not to classify the private parts as “bad parts” that should not be touched. This is unfortunately the most common reaction parents have. However, such a classification will result in the toddlers having problems with sexuality as they grow into adults

3. Tell Them Not to do it in Public

Without shaming or scolding, explain to them that anything related to their private parts has to be done privately. For example, as they do not pee in front of others, they ‘re also not supposed to touch their private parts publicly.

4. Do Not Scare The Toddler

Another common tactic used. “If you do that, we have to go to the doctor for an injection.” “If you do that, you will fall sick”. These might work, of course temporarily. But it also will result in reducing your toddler’s self-esteem and might give them unwarranted guilt

5. Sound Reasonable

When you talk to your toddler about it, especially if they are slightly older (4-6 years), you can accept that touching the private areas gives a good feeling. However, if done all the time, then it will stop the toddler from other more interesting activities like playing a new game or going out with friends

6. Distract

Your toddler may touch their genitals involuntarily when they are bored (like nose-picking). So the best way to stop it is to distract them and engage them in other interesting activities. Sometimes, toddlers do it as an anxiety-reliever. If that is the reason, find the root cause of their anxiousness and solve that. Teach them how to relieve their anxiety in other more “socially acceptable” ways

7. Ignore it

If your toddler is really small (2-3 years), private parts mean nothing to them (1b). They do not mind running around the house without a shred of cloth on them. They do not mind peeing in front of others. So how do you begin to explain that touching genitals is private? You do not. In fact, if you give the whole act too much importance, then it might just pick their curiosity and they might just do it more to seek attention from you.

When Genital Touching is a Problem?

Touching the genitals can seem to be a big issue only when it is persistent, doesn’t go away after repeated try-outs from your end and also the toddler seems to be throwing a lot of tantrums when stopped. Sometimes, it may become a cause of concern in the following circumstances-

• Excessively doing it and interferes with healthy habits
• Forceful touching, hitting or rubbing against object that can be harmful
• Persistent attempts from parents to stop it is a complete failure
• Touching in public places
• Signs of injury in the genitals due to overdoing it

Where Should You Draw The Line? What is Really Inappropriate?

Occasional touching or rubbing the genital area is normal. During toddlerhood, your little fellow is trying to know how the body functions. They know that touching certain body parts feels great. However, you need to draw a line if the action appears harmful for the toddler and is becoming quite habitual in nature. Moreover, touching private parts is common while changing diapers and clothes. The following actions are not considered normal and you should talk to your doctor about it-

• Doing it so frequently that the child stops all other activities and engage in it most of the time
• Doing it so intensely and not listening while told to stop
• Doing it in a way that makes it impossible for you to distract them and they become angry when you try to stop them
• Inserting something into their genital area
• Undressing publicly out of no reason

What to do if Your Toddler Touches Their Genitals in Public?

As parents, you may feel overwhelmed with such behaviors. With timely intervention, you can teach appropriate behaviors to your toddler easily. Certain tips will help you gain control over the situation-

• Stay calm and avoid yelling, shouting, or spanking
• You can offer a toy or take them outdoor for a play activity just to divert their attention from what they were doing
• Politely explain them that touching genitals is a private act and needs to be avoided publicly
• Guide them to use the restroom if they’re unable to resist touching

How to Get Your Toddler to Stop Touching Themself?

If you find your toddler self-exploring their private parts quite abnormally you should try to stop the behavior as soon as possible. Here are few things which might help-

• Let your toddler learn that clothes should be changed in bedroom or bathroom
• Let them know that self-touching should be done only inside their room
• Educate your toddler that only parents or caregivers can touch their private parts while bathing or cleaning them, else no other time
• Limit nude behaviors at home by encouraging them with wearing fancy clothes and how beautifully they look in them

These are of course rare cases. In most cases, your toddler is just curious as they are growing up and they will find something else to explore soon enough. So do not panic or be embarrassed. Happy parenting!

FAQ’s

1. My Toddler Keeps Touching Her Genitals in Public! What do I do?

You can help her shift her attention to some other interesting activity or explain to her gently that these behaviors are not appropriate in public places.

2. Can Toddlers Pleasure Themselves?

When toddlers explore their bodies, they may realize that touching certain body parts is actually satisfying. Their innocent exploratory pleasures are not harmful at all.

3. How do I Talk to my Toddler About Touching Privates?

You can approach the topic politely and calmly. Explain them with simple words that they can understand. Let them know that touching privates is not allowed publicly. You can explain privacy and encourage them to question you whenever needed.

4. What is a Gratification Disorder In Toddlers?

Gratification disorder is a persistent pattern of self-stimulation of private parts that toddlers fail to resist and involves repetition out of comfort, fun, and pleasure. Though harmless, it still needs treatment if the toddler overdoes it.

References

1. Sexual Behaviors in Children: Evaluation and Management – [https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2010/1115/p1233.html]
2. Infantile and early childhood masturbation: Sex hormones and clinical profile – [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2994165/]
3. Gratification behavior in a young child: Course and management – [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/305678097_Gratification_behavior_in_a_young_child_Course_and_management]