It is not easy to cope up with a miscarriage. You are going through your life’s most painful and disappointing phase. You must be feeling grief laden with guilt and anger. Added to that, the hormonal surge in your body would make you feel further depressed.
While you struggle to stay afloat in this unpleasant and unfortunate period in your life, you are also faced with the responsibility of breaking this news to your close family and friends, who few months/days back celebrated your pregnancy announcement with you. Understandably, this would not be something you are looking forward to. That said, it is also essential to inform your loved ones so that they are aware and can support you.
Breaking The News Of Miscarriage To Others
We hope that the following few tips will help you gather strength and open up about your miscarriage:
Delegate it: The initial days and weeks are the hardest and you might not be emotionally ready to talk about the miscarriage yet. At the same time, you do not want questions like “how is the baby doing?”. The best way out is to enlist a close friend to spread the word on your behalf. This way people would come to know and at the same time you are saved of the repeated narrations
Write it: There is absolutely no shame in writing about it instead of speaking. You can email or whatsapp to the people you want about the news. Mention that you are not yet ready to talk about it yet and hence using the written word. .This will help avoid immediate calls from well-wishers. Further, if you had posted in any social media site about your pregnancy, make it a point to post an update on the same site
Limit the information shared: If you are breaking the news orally, then there would be follow up questions. If you do not want to go into details, you can keep it vague or admit honestly that it is difficult for you to talk in detail about it. People who truly want to help you will understand. For others, you are not indebted to feed their curious minds. Do not feel pressurized to divulge information you do not want to divulge
Be prepared to be advised: All your friends and families would want to comfort you and boost your morale. While they do this out of love and good intentions, it can be annoying and painfully repetitive to you. At the same time, you can’t quite ask them to shut up. So be prepared mentally to listen to some advises
Be prepared to be saddened: Often people do not know how to respond to such a sad news. And they may end up saying something unintentionally that might sound hurtful and accusing to you (“You traveled so much! You should not have done that!” or “I told you to stop exercising”). This will hurt you so be prepared for hearing them and discarding them from your mind
Tell people what you want: Many well-meaning friends and relatives want to help you and share your grief, but do not know how to. When people offer, be open and receptive to the idea of sharing. Maybe a friends can watch over other kids so that you have some time alone. Or someone can listen to you patiently and you can express openly how you are feeling. Venting out emotions can be your first step towards healing yourself. However, if you still do not want to talk about your feelings, let your friends know
Breaking the news to your small children, if any, can be even trickier. They might not fully understand what you are telling them. But they will definitely sense your grief. If you can get someone close to your look after your child for a while, that will be great.
Further, once you break the news to everyone, your loved ones would want to help you in anyway required. However, they might not be quite sure if they should barge in to the privacy of your loss or stay away. If you need help, seek it. If someone offers to help you, help them help you by specifying what you want (“can you watch over the older one till I’m back on my feet?”).
And above everything, stay strong and understand this is not end of the road for you. Your baby is gone, but will never be forgotten. For help on understanding miscarriage better, refer to: