Written by Chandrani Mukherjee
Fear of strangers is a natural response that stems from feeling unsafe around unknown people. It serves as a protective shield, helping toddlers to differentiate between known caregivers from those they do not know. However, this sort of issue can make parenting even more tricky and daunting.
This is a common developmental phase of toddlerhood that makes the parent ask, “How can I tackle my toddler’s fear of strangers?” With time and gentleness, parents can help their tiny tots overcome their fear of unknown faces easily.
In This Article
Stranger anxiety refers to an instinctive discomfort and fear that toddlers show in front of people they do not know. The toddler displays signs of distress in the form of crying, or clinging to familiar people around. Research studies have shown that fearfulness in front of unknown people can start around 6 months of age and increase in the first year of life (1).
Fear of strangers in toddlers can stem from various reasons-
The signs and symptoms of stranger anxiety may vary from one toddler to another with respect to intensity and duration. However, some of the common signs remain same such as the ones given here-
Toddlers may also show stranger anxiety with people who they do not see quite often. such as grandparents or distant relatives. At times, this type of anxious behavior manifests the following issues-
As parents, you can tackle your toddler’s fear of strangers in the following ways-
Make sure your toddler is not caught off guard. Tell them in advance who is going to visit and prepare them for it. Explain to them that the guests are close to you and want to be their friends. This way they know someone is coming and understand they are safe.
Just like you prepare your toddler, advise your guests against picking your tiny tot the moment they arrive and overwhelm them with kisses and cheek-pulling. Explain to them your toddler prefers a more gradual approach and assure them that you will ease your kid into it.
Do not ridicule your toddler’s fears. If your little one is showing discomfort, then rather than pushing them to behave (“don’t be shy, come on, say hello”), hug and comfort them. Take them to some place away from the new faces and tell them that it’s okay and assure them you are not disappointed or angry.
One way to get your toddler used to seeing new faces is to take them out often. Try to find time for at least one small outing daily (to a nearby park or play area) and one bigger outing weekly (to a mall or zoo). Once they familiarize themselves with the new place, start introducing them to people whom you know. More new people they meet while at a safe distance, the better they will get at dealing with their fear.
As with anything related to your toddler, you cannot expect to remove this fear in a day. If you push them too hard from the second day, it will be counterproductive. If you give up after just one or two weeks, then it will not help them.
Practice how to deal with strangers through role play. You and your toddler can take turns to be a stranger. Discuss how to greet a stranger and how to react when a stranger does something your toddler does not (like picking up and kissing, for instance). More prepared they are, the less afraid they will be.
The fear of strangers usually passes on its own by the time the toddler is 2 years old. However, if it continues past their second birthday, it might be because you are over-protecting/shielding your tiny one and not giving them enough chances to socialize. Try to make them as independent as age permits. And expose them to new people. This will help them come out of their shell.
Sometimes extreme fear of strangers can lead to social anxiety as the child grows older. If you think your toddler’s fear is getting worse with time, or if there is a family history of social anxiety, then it might be a good idea to talk to the doctor.
Parents need to realize the fact that stranger anxiety is common in the age group of 6-36 months with varying intensity (2). Parents need to avoid doing certain key things that would definitely help the little one overcome the fear gradually-
It may not be possible to prevent stranger anxiety in your toddler in every situation. However, you can lessen the severity by following some simple tips and tricks, such as –
Fear of strangers may start around 6 months and usually peaks around 2 years. However, as the toddler enters early childhood years and goes to pre-school, their fear gradually subsides. Regular exposure to unknown people and situations helps them to overcome the fear.
Toddler’s fear of strangers is an instinctive response, in an attempt to keep themselves safe in an unknown world. While it causes distress to both the little one and the parent, understanding its temporary nature and providing support at the right time is important.
[Read more about coping with a clingy child here .]
Yes, it is entirely normal for toddlers to be afraid of strangers. The fear acts as a protection from harm and threat that the tiny tot thinks as real.
Your 3-year-old may not be afraid of strangers due to their outgoing nature, or maybe they are used to seeing and meeting many unknown people regularly.
You can teach them by discussing safety measures while they encounter a stranger, like how to approach them. Moreover, role-playing scenarios can help toddlers understand how to behave in a calm manner when strangers approach them.
When trying to make your toddler comfortable with strangers, you can gradually expose them and never force interactions. Moreover, provide reassurance that you’re there for support. You can also model gentle and positive behavior with the stranger and show that they are safe to interact with.
References
Obesity in Toddlers – Top Tips to Stay Healthy
Speech Apraxia in Toddlers – Is it Common and How to Treat it
Top 5 Best Iron-Rich Foods For Toddlers
Stomach Flu in Toddlers – Symptoms, Treatments and Home Remedies
Top Healthy Snack Ideas For Toddlers (12 to 24 Months)
Functional Play For Toddlers – Why is it Important and Top Ways to Encourage
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