10 Simple Tips To Teach Good And Bad Touch To Your Child

Childhood sexual abuse always begins with a touch that either a child fails to notice or parents fail to know or acknowledge. By teaching the difference between a good touch and a bad touch to your child, you are essentially preparing him or her from getting groomed to be abused sexually.

Now, this could be a tough topic to broach, especially with young kids. Nevertheless, it is very important that kids know their bodies and can differentiate and raise an alarm if someone touches them inappropriately.

So how do you teach your child the difference between a good touch and a bad touch? Here you go!

10 Simple Tips to Teach Good and Bad Touch to Your Child

Social or family status, education, or gender does not offer any protection from sexual abuse. But can we prevent this? Yes. And it all begins with teaching a child about touch.

1. Tell Them That They Can Share Everything With You

Building a bond of trust with your child is essential, right at a very tender age. You must tell them that you are there for them, you believe them, and will trust them if they wish to share anything with you and confide in you.

2. Teach Body Parts to Your Child Early

It is never too early to impart sex education to your child, at least at a basic level. This part of education begins with teaching your child about private body parts that others should not touch.

3. Tell Them That Their Body Belongs to Only Them

Give them the ownership of their bodies. It means that you tell them very early in life that their bodies belong to them, and only them. It also means giving them the freedom to refuse a hug, kiss, or pat on the back, even, if they are not comfortable with it.

4. Use the Right Language

When you explain to them about their anatomy, use the right words and the right language. Let them know that there is nothing dirty or bad about their bodies and that there is a difference between a female and a male body.

5. Follow the Swimsuit Rule

The easiest way to teach your child about a good and bad touch is to follow the swimsuit rule of teaching. Tell them that the parts covered by a swimsuit are private and that nobody can touch you there. Also, tell them that they need to report to you about any incident where a grown-up has tried to touch them in these private parts.

6. Teach Them About Safe Touch

Help them understand what is meant by a ‘safe touch’. When a child’s mother, father, or doctor touches them, they do so only to ensure that their bodies are safe and examine them during a routine check-up. This is a safe touch. Nobody other than these three individuals can touch them, or ask them to lift their garments to examine them.

7. Tell Them That They Can and Must Say “No”

You must let your child know that when someone tries to touch them inappropriately, they have every right to refuse and say a firm ‘No’ or ‘Stop’. Assure them that there is no shame in asking a grown-up to stop or call them out loud and clear. Children should know that screaming and attracting the attention of others can put them in a safe spot and their molester in a tight one.

8. Teach Them to Get Away From That Place

You must teach your child to get away from that place as soon as they can. Also, they must know that they should not be alone with that person, whoever he or she may be, in the future. Being alone with the perpetrator of such a crime gives them the confidence to commit the crime again.

9. Help Them Understand That They are Not at Fault

It is important that the child knows right behavior from wrong, and does not consider themselves responsible for somebody else’s wrongdoings. You must assure them that the one who touches them inappropriately is the one at fault and that they should not associate and harbor any feelings of guilt with such an incident.

10. Do Not Force Affection on the Child

You must, at your end, never force affection on your child. Be it your own or somebody else’s. A warm hug from a relative or a peck from a friend must be encouraged only if your child appreciates it and feels comfortable with it.

Appropriate Age to Teach Good Touch and Bad Touch

Unfortunately, pedophiles don’t have any minimum limit when it comes to sexually abusing a child. It starts right from newborn babies and extends all the way till they are considered “a child”. This makes it very important for parents to teach about touch as early as possible.

Now you may wonder how you can explain a good or a safe touch to a two or a three-year-old who seems to trust everyone around. This is indeed very tricky!

How to Teach About Touch?

Good or bad are the general terms we end up using with kids, simply because those words are simple. Use every opportunity to teach them about good touch and bad touch. Some possible ways are:

1. Bath Time

When you bathe them or dry them after a bath, keep playing with them as usual and when you come to their private parts, tell them anyone touching them is just wrong.

2. Play Time

When you are playing with them physically, hold them gently and slowly increase pressure and tell them this type of touch is wrong. If the touch makes them sad or angry, or if they don’t like the touch, then it is wrong.

3. Changing Time

When you help them change clothes, close the door, even if it’s just you and your child at home. Predators approach when they are alone with the child.

Tell your child, no one should watch them change or see them without their clothes. Explain over time, it is ok for mom and dad to see or help while changing (you can include other trusted elders if you are living in a joint family) but others can’t.

Parents Should be Vigilant

It is the parents’ responsibility to keep the child safe until they can take care of themselves. No one knows what’s lurking in the minds of other people. A person we trust as adults, can in fact be your child’s molester. Yes, that can disgust you, but sadly that has happened in the majority of the child abuse cases reported.

Even if a trusted adult is around you, watch out for specific signs from both the adult and your child.

From the Adult

• If the adult spends too much time with your child away from your presence (even if you are around).
• They start talking in a different and fake tone every time they see your child (many elders talk to children this way, but just stay alert please).
• Keep telling your child they have a secret together and you can’t know it.

Cues From Your Child

• Cries at the sight of certain adults / older children (sadly children who are preys of sexual abuse can do that to other children too, without understanding what they are doing).
• Refuses to go near certain people.
• Does not want to go for a playdate in a particular house.
• Starts withdrawing from you.
• Starts keeping secrets as a way of playing.
• Plays rough or inappropriately with their dolls and toys.
• Has a rough night or nightmares after visiting someone or after spending time with someone.
• Gets moody and withdrawn.
• Has suspicious marks on their body.

Tricky Times

Sometimes, a bad touch might feel good. A child might enjoy the extra attention or the guilt gifts offered by the said adult. In such cases, it can be very hard and misleading for parents to identify child abuse.

If you notice your child gets overly excited when they see some adult and starts whispering to them or asks to go play privately with them, stay on alert. You can check in on their secret games as if you are enquiring the adult for a coffee or the child for a snack. You can pretend to look for something in the room.

Just ensure you drop in from time to time till you are sure there is nothing to be worried about. On the flip side, if you do realize someone close is indeed abusing your child in small ways, but your child enjoys their time with them, you need to tread carefully. A strong reaction from you can tell a rebellious child to do things behind your back.

If you notice something is not right, slowly talk to your child in a way that appeals to them. Make them understand certain “games” or “touch” are not ok, no matter who it is or how much “fun” they are having.

Let the Child be Aware

At the end of the day, it all boils down to how much your child is aware of. If your child has no idea about safe or unsafe touch, they cannot tell you when something goes wrong. Communication has to be open and clear between parents and children.

As mentioned earlier, a bad touch can feel good and a safe touch can feel bad (like when you tug hard at your child to stop them from touching the stove or from running into traffic). While it is important to teach your child about good and bad touch, teach them a safe and unsafe touch too.

Example – The doctor hurting them with an injection is ‘safe’ while someone touching or kissing them all over their face including the lips because they have been a good boy/girl is ‘unsafe’.

Conclusion:

Many recent studies show children discover their sexuality at a very young age. Toddlers toying with their private parts is part of curiosity and partly the “good” feeling they get. Pedophiles can take advantage of this to “help the child feel nice”.

Keep repeating who can touch them and who can’t touch them; where they can be touched and where they can’t be. Respect your child’s views and validate their feelings if they feel overly shy or uncomfortable in the presence of certain adults. Your child has to understand if they are not comfortable then it is not safe for them.

You may also read a book on these topics or show your children videos to this effect. Children learn and grasp better when they read or watch videos. It is okay to practice a situation such as this with your child. Encourage them to say no, stop, scream or run away from that place.

Every precaution and apt preparedness can help your child avoid such scarring incidences and protect them in the future. Always remember, your role as a parent is monumental in keeping your child physically, emotionally, and mentally secure.

Also Read: Make Your Child Aware Of A Good And A Bad Touch