When is the right age to have kids? Even before I complete the question I can already hear random shouts from across the world – “Twenties!”
I beg to differ. For me, the right age to have kids is when I and my husband feel ready for it.
What about the declining quality of your eggs and fertility? Pregnancy after 30 is difficult, you say.
What about my life? I counter.
How selfish, you exclaim.
Isn’t it more selfish to bring life into this world when you are not ready to take responsibility for it, I counter.
You are a woman, being a mother is your life’s purpose, you say.
My life’s purpose should be defined by me, not by you or society, I counter.
Family comes first, career later, you chide. Pregnancy after 30 is a bad decision.
A strong career foundation now will help my family later, I counter.
All my twenties, most of my conversation with my mom, aunts, and well-meaning but quite nosy neighbours have been variations of the above, that pregnancy after 30 is not good. Initially, I used to get pretty offended. Isn’t this my life? Once I do have a child, will Latha Aunty from Chennai take care of the child? Will she at least pay for the child’s upbringing? Then why should I care about what she thinks about my child-bearing age or whether pregnancy after 30 is good or bad?
However, with time, I mellowed down. I started understanding where all the shock and judgments came from. We are, as a culture, taught to believe that a woman needs to get married and produce offspring in her twenties, preferably before mid-twenties, but absolutely before 30’s. And it is not just culture, there are actually scientific studies that peg the ideal age for women to get pregnant in the early twenties, and speak of tough pregnancy after 30. Despite all that, I still decided to delay my pregnancy in my 30’s. Here is why:
So, why am I trying to justify my choice? That’s because I had the last laugh as I did all of the above and still had an almost uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby. Yes, I did. Pregnancy after 30 did not have any negative effect on my baby or me. Thankfully I did not face any health issues, neither did my little one. We are both fine. However, some may also think that I got lucky. I may have, but then I stuck to my decisions as a working woman and a wife and I am glad about it.
Let me clear myself though- I am not saying everyone should follow what I chose and plan pregnancy after 30. It is your and your family’s decision entirely. It should not be a “fad” you try to follow.
It is your life. Your baby is your responsibility– physically, emotionally, and financially. Think of all the pros and cons of pregnancy after 30 and take a wise call.
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