Top 12 Tips on How to Deal With Demanding Children

When children show demanding behavior, it’s evident that they try to assert their needs and wants loudly, with a lot of attitude, arrogance, and unrealistic expectations. In simple words, demanding behavior is a pattern of actions that occur when children want to have their own way of doing things.

It can come in the form of consistent requests, or insisting on certain things from parents or other elders around them. Sometimes, these behaviors manifest commands and not requests. Children make demands for attention, material possessions, or some kind of a special favor from elders at home.

Typical Behaviors of Demanding Children

In general, demanding behavior may start in toddlerhood, typically around 3 years of age. However, it becomes more pronounced as children grow older and develop a stronger sense of wishes and wants in life.

Most children who show demanding behavior either have low tolerance levels or have developed certain unrealistic expectations overtime. With a slightest ‘no’, they may display disappointment, anger, and impatience. Some of the typical behavior patterns of demanding children are as follows-

• They never ask anything politely, instead use words like –‘I told you, I need this right away’ or something like ‘Give me now, my friends already have this’
• Forgets to make requests by saying ‘please’ and never uses ‘thank you’
• Persistently asks for material possessions or special treats and favors
• Frequently complains when wishes are not fulfilled
• Throwing tantrums, or showing extremes of anger and disappointment when denied favors
• Refuses to listen to the parent’s point of view
• Constant nagging with an intention that forces the parent to comply
• Demands constant attention and displays impatience when not given
• Struggles to accept ‘no’ from parents
• Shows no consideration for parents’ efforts

Causes of Demanding Behavior in Children

The major cause of demanding behavior in children is their failure to delay gratification in life. They want immediate resolution of their issues, on spot fulfillment of their wishes and wants. Moreover, parents add fuel to the fire initially.

They may fulfill the demands just to curb their noisy kids. Researches have proved that overindulgent parents give much more to their children in the form of materialistic possessions, thereby reinforcing their demands further (1).

Some of the major causes of demanding behavior are –

• Toddlers and young children may not know the ideal way of expressing their frustrations and annoyance. Thus, they use demands to gain parental attention
• They may learn this behavior from older siblings or playmates just by imitation
• Small children cannot control their emotions, thereby nagging on an issue is quite common
• They turn out to be rude and demanding when feeling left out in the house, or feeling unimportant than others
• Lax boundaries in the household contributes to demanding behavior as children do not know their limits
• Overprotective and overindulgent parents who provide everything on spot to their kids often reinforce such behaviors

Top 12 Tips to Deal With a Demanding Child

As kids get older, they want more freedom but struggle to express themselves properly. This leads to demanding behavior, impatience, and frustration. But parents can guide them by using some tips that aim to teach children to replace demanding tones with polite requests-

1. Never Respond With Rudeness

Your initial reaction would be a boiling anger, however it can worsen the communication. Never tell them to stop angrily or seek an apology. Instead sit with them and ask the reason behind their demands. Moreover, teach them the polite way of putting their demands by changing their voice tone or rephrasing their words.

2. Hear And Acknowledge What They Say

When children demand, they often feel ignored and isolated. The best approach is to listen patiently, address their concerns, and find solutions. If their demands involve material things, ask why they want it. Explain to them clearly that polite manners are key to getting their needs met.

3. Empathize With Them

Your empathy makes your child feel loved and understood, potentially reducing their nagging. Children are still learning to express emotions, so they may use demands to cope with frustration. Understanding their underlying feelings can help address their needs effectively.

4. Assume Positive Intent in Their Behavior

Being a parent, you should try not to pinpoint their misbehaviors directly. If your child yells for junk food that is unhealthy, you can stop them by saying, “I guess you’re too hungry. Let’s have some good food that is both healthy and tasty”. Here you’re not letting them know that they were rude.

5. Give Them Information to Solve Their Problem

Sometimes children place demands because they do not know how to help themselves. If you find your child demanding for a new pencil case, you can simply tell them that they already have a new one in the book shelf. Understand their needs and offer information that can solve their problem on spot.

6. Explain What Demanding Behavior is

Sit with your child and explain to them the difference between unrealistic demands and polite requests. You need to assure them that some of their polite requests will be considered, however no demands will be fulfilled.

7. Reverse The Situation

The next time your kid is excessively demanding, sit and inquire how they’d feel if you treated them in a similar disrespectful manner. Your child might not fully understand the severity of their behavior, but this reversal could help them recognize that they have already crossed boundaries.

8. Model Good Behavior

As a parent, you should practice what you preach. It means you should not behave rudely with them, or talk in an impolite manner. Always model good behavior and set a positive example before them.

9. Praise Their Politeness

Always remember to acknowledge their tiny efforts and praise them whenever they demand something politely. Children learn better when they feel noticed and appreciated for their good deeds. They will remember your appreciation and will try to put their demands in a polite, lovable manner the next time.

10. Ignore Demands

At times, it’s best to ignore their demands and stay calm. When children notice that they’re not attended to, they may make attempts to draw your attention initially. However, if you ignore their demands persistently, they will fall into the practice of good behavior. Make it a habit to ignore them when they fail to ask for things politely.

11. Don’t Take it Personally

When your child appears demanding, you may feel helpless and tend to question your parenting style. However, realize the fact that kids are meant to trouble at times, no matter how well you teach mannerisms to them. Avoid blaming yourself and stop taking things personally. As your little one is feeling overwhelmed, they’re behaving in such a manner. You have the power to teach them good actions. Just do it patiently.

12. Visit a Counselor

If your child is coming to you with several demands at a time or is showing extremes of tantrums, then it is best to seek expert advice. You can think of visiting a child counselor who can help you sort things in the right direction.

Dealing with demanding children requires tons of patience and thorough understanding of their needs. By setting a clear boundary, parents can let their children know what is expected from them. It is vital to know their feelings and offer support whenever needed. In this way, children learn acceptable behavior patterns that are humble and polite.

FAQ’s

1. What Causes a Demanding Child?

Demanding behavior in children is caused by learned behaviors and attention-seeking tendencies. Sometimes, this behavior is due to lack of limits set at home, past successes, and emotional needs of children.

2. How do You Control a Demanding Child?

Controlling a demanding child involves helping them learn the rules of the household properly. Parents should also use praise and provide emotional support so that kids know where they have gone wrong without feeling guilty of their actions.

3. At What Age do Children Become Less Demanding?

Children become less demanding as they age because they learn to express emotions through other acceptable ways. They also develop better emotional control and are mature enough to understand societal rules of good conduct.

4. How do I Stop My 4-Year-Old From Demanding?

In order to stop your 4-year-old from demanding, you can teach them polite words and actions. Moreover, you should praise them when they show effort. Also let them know the consequences of their demanding behavior in a firm tone, yet politely.

References

1. Perceptions attributed by adults to parental overindulgence during childhood – [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/237632646_Perceptions_attributed_by_adults_to_parental_overindulgence_during_childhood]