Stubbornness is a ubiquitous aspect of childhood and sometimes even manifests itself in teenage years. Parents face this problem when the child does not listen to their advices/suggestions. Here, there can be two scenarios. First, the child may be right. Second, the parents may be right. It is important to attend a stubborn nature with patience. Fathers and mothers need to realize the complexity of childhood nowadays. Any action of force or clever manipulation can backfire as a serious rift between the child and the parents.
Parents need to take care of the following points when they have a stubborn child at home–
Avoid the competition
Maybe, you are right to tell your child to avoid certain things. However, do stay open to the possibility that you might be wrong as well. Otherwise, you cannot retain your respect to your child’s eyes because then it becomes a competition of who can control the other.
Arguing is not a solution
Hang on!! Stop arguing with your child, this is always a two way process and will only make a given situation worse from bad. Being patient and observant is the key to a healthy relationship, and this way you will also be able to zero out on any conflicting elements in your child’s life.
Do not be angry on an already angry child
Anger is not the mode of communication, hence try and not be angry on a child who’s already fuming and irate. In this case, your child will only learn that expression of dislike or discomfort translates into anger and stubbornness.
Dealing with a stubborn nature
• Channelizing the determination
If you dislike the determination, remember that your child also harbors same feelings towards your efforts to make him oblige. In fact, the best strategy always is to understand that this very determination can be a virtue also. Integrity and strength of character are vital qualities to survive in a highly competitive world. Good parents understand how to help the child to channelize his or her self-damaging beliefs.
• Honest self-introspection
Indeed, the refusal to listen to good suggestions can lead your child to trouble. However, you cannot simply force your dictum on the child! Talk to your young one to understand the problem. Maybe, your child does not hold you in the eyes of respect anymore. Introspect your life to acknowledge the possible reasons for this obstacle.
• Appreciating childhood complexity
It can be about a problem in the child’s life. Young souls do handle a lot of severe depression by themselves. Toddlers and school going children can have deep relationship issues. Your daughter may just want to stay alone and not talk to anyone for some days. Allow her this necessary time and do not prod with your constant questions. Do not make life any tougher than it already is for the child.
• The problems of pampering
Sometimes, this nature of not listening to something may also be a result of a pampered childhood. When your child is adjusted to the idea of getting anything without much asking, a refusal to give something can lead to the lack of communication. You need to explain why you are not consenting to this particular need of the young adult. Gently state the different reasons, and avoid heated altercations. Obviously, you are the grownup here!
• Listen To Your Child
In any given situation, you need to understand your child’s perspective and for this you need to listen to him and not talk. Do not interrupt when your child is opening up- this will only discourage him from speaking to you. Keep the lines of communication open, and give a shot at understanding your child’s feelings. Stubbornness is sometimes a child’s way of getting attention and being heard by the parents.
Do not mistake the resolute nature is a mental disorder in your child. It is completely wrong! Yes, of course the issue has emotional aspects. However, instead of untangling the knots of childhood emotions, you simply cannot sedate your child with psychoactive medicines! Talk to your child.
Raising a child is also a deep learning experience. Accept the logic in your child’s determination when the reasons are valid. Always remember that children also need personal spaces and they keenly observe you to learn the lessons of life. You need to be responsible and careful in your actions.
Always remember that such situations are unsolvable by use the use of force. Dealing with a stubborn child without making him feel down or humiliated is a sensitive task and requires a lot of thinking and patience. Sometimes, it does not take a few days of isolation and good counsel to solve the problem. Do your best to make life easy for your child.