There are two extremely opposing views on this topic.
One group of people think that it is alright to have sex in the same room where the baby is. Their arguments are as follows. Many families, especially in our parents’ generation, lived in single bedroom houses. Even if there were other bedrooms, co-sleeping with the children has been a norm. So how were they having sex? Clearly, in the same room as children. And despite this, as kids, we were never traumatized about it. Secondly, no one is talking about having sex when the children are awake! Parents definitely make sure kids are deep in slumber before getting on the act.
- Is It Common For Parents To Make Love In The Same Room The Baby Is?
- What If A Child Sees The Parents Making Love?
- So Should We Shift To Another Room To Have Sex?
The other group of people think that having sex in the same room as the children amounts to child abuse. Their arguments? Even if one stays in a single roomed house, there are still other options, such as living room, to have sex. What if the child wakes up hearing parents’ voice or the creaking of the bed? Would they just assume their parents are “fighting” or would they make their own assumptions? Would they sit up and ask “what are you guys doing?” or watch in silence? It is disgusting and wrong to do it in the same room.
Is It Common For Parents To Make Love In The Same Room The Baby Is?
We at beingtheparent.com believe that while it may not be an “ideal” situation, it definitely does not amount to child abuse, especially in India. Furthermore, a Swedish research has claimed that one in every three mothers has sex when either the child is sleeping in the same room or in the same bed. This so happens because:
- Lack of space: A good majority of us live in a single bedroom house. Even if we have two bedrooms, the second bedroom is usually occupied by parents. Having sex in the living room or another area is out of question if grandparents are present in the house as well
- Lack of privacy: The second reason why it is more prevalent in India is the parenting style. Most of us sign goodbyes to our privacy when we have children. The kids sleep in the same room as parents until they are quite older (as compared to western countries where sometimes even babies have separate nurseries or at the best the kids are moved to a separate room by the time they are 4)
So, no parent is having sex in the same room as their children for fun. They do it because there is a lack of space and privacy. And they are out of options.
What If A Child Sees The Parents Making Love?
That said, while it is not child abuse, if a child does witness his/her parents having sex, it can impact their psyche. The magnitude and consequences of this impact depends largely on the age of the child. But, generally, the impact could be:
- Smaller kids do not understand what is happening. They get scared or frightened, thinking their dad is trying to harm or kill their mom
- Bigger kids understand what is happening. It is known to make them (especially girls) develop an aversion to sex
- Some kids have admitted, much to their own horror, about thinking about their parents’ act while they masturbate
So Should We Shift To Another Room To Have Sex?
So, obviously, if you have an option of a different private room in your house, we would urge you to use that for having sex. But if you do not, take a few precautions. Make sure your child is really, truly asleep. If it helps, turn them to the other side. That way, even if they open their eyes in between, they wouldn’t see anything. And if they do turn, you get precious few seconds to cover up. And finally, if they do wake up and ask you what is going on, have a smart excuse ready!!
Another benefit of having sex in the other room is having all the space to you as a couple. Sometimes, your partner can feel that you are always occupied with the child and do not give him enough space. And when there is a ‘hush hush’ whisper on every moan of pleasure, it can take away all the enjoyment of sex away.
If you do have more bedrooms in your house, it is better to use one of those in the nights for having sex so that the child does not see anything accidentally. It is also a good idea to make your child independent by slowly and gradually urging them to sleep on their own rooms.
That said, if you have an infant, there is nothing to worry. They are not capable of understanding or recognizing what is happening. Do not, however, say no to sex due to lack of space. Remember, if you have a happy and healthy sex life, then you are happier. If you are happier, you are better capable of taking care of your kids. Happier parents, happier kids.